Monthly Archives: June 2011
THE I T A L I A N ELBOW
An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to
visit with his wife.
“You comma to de fronta door of the apartamenta. I am inna apartamenta 301.
There issa bigga panel at the fronta door. With you elbow, pusha button 301.
I will buzza you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in and with you elbow, pusha 3.
When you get out, I’ma on the left. With you elbow, hit my doorbell.”
“Grandma that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?
“What . . . .. .. You comin empty handed?”
…C’est la réponse d’Obama sur la polémique née il y a qques semaines quant à son certificat de naissance.
QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!
Can you cry under water?
Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’… but it’s only a ‘penny for your thoughts’?
Where’s that extra penny going to?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good
idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up
like every two hours?
Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars
to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They’re going to see you naked anyway…
Why is ‘bra’ singular and ‘panties’ plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t
he fix a hole in a boat?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is
baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a
hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when
you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are
Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is not
Why does someonebelieve you when you say there are four billion stars, but check
when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattressesare not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to
eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then
reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you
always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained
about the heat?
****A day without a smile is like a day without sunshine!****
It’s Not What You Gather, But What You Scatter That Tells What Kind Of Life You Have Lived!